I thought I could heal the voice in your head that said “love is always betrayal”
I could show up with integrity, dissolve every fear,
look at every wound, radiate so clean and vibrant,
that you could see there was some good left in the world.

I thought you would meet me there.

The dissonance grew so loud that
the spot where you sat on the couch
smelled like sulfur.

Obfuscating my integrity.

Triggering me until I raised my voice and you would smile.
Until I began to say thank you.
Thank you for the mirror, thank you
for showing me where I could grow.

But you became suspicious,
when I could no longer be kept small.
I told you I was glowing
because
I fell in love with myself again.

You said there must be someone filling me up.
Because it was too bright to look at,
But it just reflected that you didn’t.

That is your biggest blind spot.

Then you said “What are you going to
Ohio because your mom is getting her nursing license too?”

That is your other blind spot.

I have auntie duties to attend to there,
my childhood friends are mothers now.
It made me think that maybe I could be a mother too.
Or at least have the option,
You would have been the first person I let cum inside me.

But you never made me feel safe.

When I had a miscarriage,
you said “Are you sure, a lot of weird clumps come out of your vagina.”
And then walked away to post about how having children is fascist.

I remembered, that we no longer live in the same world anymore.

Where you live, you hate misogynists so much you accidentally became one.