My only redemption for enduring this nightmare –
is knowing for twelve years,
I protected other women who may not
have been as equipped to move like water
to protect their open heart.
To have seen the lust for power and control,
and have the foresight to dangle the shiny coin,
as armor to conceal what is not for sale.

With his left hand in my pocket and his right
hand skilled at slight, he used my cards
to perform illusions that they were his,
for bitter women that like to compete.

With each malicious gaze I turned inward,
getting lost with just a lantern,
mapping each cavern of sorrow –
and when it was time to find my way out,
no shadow could be used to make me stay.

And that I could escape knowing that it was the love
I gave that transformed me, not my suffering –
and that one day, I still believe it will be met in reciprocity.